Not-So-Quick Summer Update

This post is going to come in parts. I feel like a lot has happened since I was last blogging regularly, and I want to keep you guys updated in the least chaotic way possible.

Part 1: Spring Semester Wrap-Up

I did amazingly well this past semester, despite it being my busiest one yet. I really filled up my plate but somehow managed to come out way on top. I got on Dean’s list and straight A’s. As of a few weeks ago, that seemed completely impossible. Talk about pulling it out of one’s ass, eh?

I also finished pledging Alpha Phi Omega! I love being a brother of APO; I’ve made some fantastic friendships while strengthening others. I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and went for it. I wear my letters constantly, and I couldn’t be prouder. Also shout out to the best Big in the world!

Oh Classics Colorguard… I’m assuming that there’s a large part of my readership that doesn’t have a very good understanding of indoor competitive colorguard, and I’m not going to try to explain it here, maybe that’s a post for the future? However, all you need to know is that over the past 7 months, I made lifelong friendships and became a stronger person. I bonded with 22 fantastic girls and a handful of coaches, and I couldn’t be happier that I was part of the experience. We got silver at Chapters and All Chapter Championships, and I am so incredibly proud of what we accomplished. I am in love with this activity!

Whew. Well those were the big things that happened. I survived sophomore year,  successfully pledged a fraternity, and spun in a fantastic colorguard. I really pushed myself to the limits over the last few months, and I don’t regret a single thing. I also turned 20 last month! I’m in a really good place right now, even if I’m experiencing a lot of bittersweet, end-of-a-life-chapter feels.

Anyway, with all this stuff filling up my schedule, blogging really took to the backseat. Like wayyyyyy backseat. Almost in the trunk. But really only in the last couple of weeks, if I think about it. I had a few great spurts of blogging during February and March. I actually broke some personal records for the blog! Easily the blog’s success skyrocketed during those months, but then it cut off, obviously. I had plans for some Spring stuff, but the weather never warmed up enough, and everything else took over. Excuses, excuses, I know. Like I said, no regrets, but there’s no denying that my blog inspiration suffered.

I’m officially free and on Summer break, so there’s nothing holding me back now. Except that I’m still recovering from everything coming to a screeching stop. I still feel creatively sapped; so much so that I’m finding it hard to even read, which is one of my favorite summer activities. My brain is just sort of shut down right now. I’m going to have to ride this out and let myself rest. It’s my break and I can do that if I want!

Part 2: What I’m Planning for this Blog

I’m going to keep it super casual. I still want to implement those Spring ideas that I had. Also once my reading does pick back up, I’ll have some accompanying posts. Anticipate the usual: casual fashion, easy makeup, bookish thoughts, and the occasional, wayward write-up, like this.

Also, the one year anniversary of this blog is coming up. I have no ideas really, but I’m sure I’ll post something, so keep a look-out for that!

Part 3: What I’m Planning for this Summer

Just like the blog, I’m keeping my schedule casual and untied. I have a couple of concerts already planned out, as well as a few fraternity things. But overall, I’m trying to stay commitment-free. Last summer I worked too much, and it was absolutely no fun. Sure the extra money was nice, but it and the rest of my summer days went too fast. This year, I’m letting the proverbial wind take me where it wishes. I deserve it after my stressful and successful semester. And even if I don’t end up doing too much, at least I got some relaxation before another jam-packed semester starts up.

Part 4: Closing Words

This was one wordy, long ass post. Apologies. I’ll keep this short.

I’m in a really good place right now. I’m surrounded with love, support, and happiness. That’s all a girl can ask for!

Also, I just want to give a quick thanks to anyone who’s kept up with my blog (or even just made it to end of this post!). I know I have a puny following and don’t post nearly enough, but numbers don’t matter. You guys keep me going and are a big reason I keep crawling back to this mediocre blog of mine. I appreciate ya’ll sticking around.

All of me loves all of you! 🙂

xoxo Gigi.

P.S. Have some group photos of people who have become incredibly important to me. ❤

apo!!!!

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Also bonus: here’s a group of girls who have been important to me for a long while. Even if all this crazy stuff is happening, they’ll stick with me through it all. ❤

DINOSAUR HATS

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What Being a Fat Woman Is Really Like

The article Cosmopolitan published a couple weeks ago has been circulating the plus size blogosphere with force. Many gals have taken to answering the questions themselves, and I want to follow suit. I know I’m younger that most of the ladies that have done it, but I thought my readers would be interested in knowing the story behind my body and how I feel about it. So let’s get right into it!

How do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?

I really don’t like it. I understand that each person has internal struggles with their body image, but it still gets to me. I’m always thinking, if they see themselves as fat, then what do they think of me? I just try to surround myself with people that don’t make these comments. If they do, I tell them to embrace their fluff and move on. People know me for being a jokester, so they’ll laugh at me and do just that, move on. Pretty effective, and keeps everyone in good spirits at least for a little while.

How has your body image changed since high school? College? 

Ever since being on my own at college, I’ve embraced my personal style, and my body image has greatly improved. With it, my mental health and sociability have gotten better. People will love me despite my size, and if I’m confident and happy, people around me will be as well.

However, it’s obviously an on going battle. I still have really bad days both with my body and my head. I don’t think that can ever go away for anybody. It’s getting better, though, and that’s all I can hope for.

Have you tried dieting? What happened? 

Actually, not really. I never stuck to anything for more than like 2 days. I just love food too much. And my dad’s an amazing Italian chef; how am I supposed to pass that up? At school I have more well-rounded options, and I definitely make a conscious decision to eat healthier, but that’s about living a healthy life, not about losing weight.

Do you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?  

There’s a pretty good possibility. Thyroid problems are prevalent on my mom’s side, and most women on my dad’s side are big and strong. I come from big, beautiful Italian women, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Do you consider yourself healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy? 

Like I said, I’ve been making sure I make healthy choices. However, I love rich and fried foods, and you can’t get me to give them up. With colorguard I’m pretty active, but I could probably stand to make more time for the gym. But that just really doesn’t appeal to me, and I’d rather be plump and happy rather than thin and stressed.

Are your parents both supportive of you at the weight you’re at? Have they always been? 

They never seemed to have a problem. Like previously mentioned, I come from two families of strong Italian women who appreciate food. It’s kind of expected. I think they care more that I’m healthy and happy.

How do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people? 

I just wish I knew how it felt to walk into a store, see something I like, pick out my size, and buy it. That just doesn’t exist for girls of my size. I have to search online for hours just to find something cute in my size that I can afford. Yesterday I went to Target and was incredibly annoyed with the fact that there were practically no 2x’s in stock. It’s frustrating to have a personal style that no one seems to make clothes for. And if you’re a fat girl that likes trendy/edgy clothing? Well then you’re completely shit out of luck because that just doesn’t exist in our size.

Also… one size fits all sweaters and leggings?! Yeah, no.

Do you think plus-size women are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How? 

You see a fat guy lounging with no shirt on at the beach? No problem! You see a fat girl lounging in a two piece at the beach? Ew how dare she! I don’t feel like getting into this. It’s just disgusting how judgemental people can be.

Do you think there’s an assumption made/stereotype that exists about plus-size people? How would you respond to it?

People think we’re lazy, unattractive, unsuccessful, that we lack self control… The list goes on and on. I know plenty of girls that are sexy and successful all while rocking their curves. I have plenty of friends, and I’m doing extremely well both in and out of school. Every person is different. No one else dictates how I live my life. Stereotypes practically exist to be broken.

Do you think there’s ever a right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight? 

I say it’s better to just mind your own business.

What are the worst things people have said to you about your body? 

Back in middle school I was called every name in the book. In high school it was never really directly said to me; it was more snickering behind my back as I walked past a table. However, it never really got to me. Sure on bad body days they echo in my head, but overall, I couldn’t care less about those people who have nothing else better to do than call a girl out on something she sees everyday in the mirror.

What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?

Since about senior year of high school, I’ve been getting a fair share of compliments. When I wear a nice outfit or do my hair pretty or take time to do my makeup, there’s always a handful of people who comment on it. I’ve surrounded myself with people who genuinely care about me and think highly of me. It does wonders for one’s self esteem.

Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?

Actually no. I have a lot of friends, and they all vary greatly in body types and sizes. I don’t care about someone’s appearance. I care about whether or not they’re an asshole.

How has your weight affected your sex life, if at all? 

Oh boy.

I don’t have a sex life as of yet. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with my weight. I’ve never been in a relationship, and I’ve never been in an intimate situation. This really doesn’t bother me though. I like being independent and not having to worry directly about anyone other than myself.

When you’ve been single, has your weight affected your dating life?

It might. I’m sure there have been people that have been attracted to my personality, but my appearance held them back. I’m not really looking for a relationship though, so I can’t say I’ve been directly rejected recently. There was an ongoing… something or other… with someone, and I think my appearance made him uncomfortable. Sucks for him, I’m an amazing gal.

Do you feel weird if the guy you’re with only dates larger women?

Not really? A guy likes what he likes I guess. Nothing wrong with that. Just so he treats me well and doesn’t objectify me. You wouldn’t judge a guy for dating only skinny girls, so why would it be different for fat girls? Each person is different, and choosing to be in a relationship with someone goes past their physical characteristics.

Do you feel weird if he’s only dated slimmer women before you? 

Nope. Obviously I’m fabulous enough to have broken their streak. I take that as a compliment!

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So that’s it! This did get a little TMI, but I have nothing to hide. This is my fat life and I’m embracing it!

xoxo Gigi.

An Overwhelming Update

So, it’s been a whopping 3 weeks since my last post… That passed really quickly.

Three Sundays ago, I decided to pledge Alpha Phi Omega, and that happened to be the thing that completely filled my schedule. I’m not necessarily overwhelmed, but I definitely don’t have much free time. My grades aren’t suffering yet and neither is my mental health. I’m having a good time with new friends, so I’m in a good place.

The bad thing is that, due to my added responsibilities, this blog has taken the back seat. This happened last semester, although that was due to other more personal problems. I have some posts ready to go for this upcoming week, and then after that is spring break, so hopefully this hiatus will come to an end.

Now some things that have happened since I’ve disappeared:

  • I was made colorguard captain for the 2014 outdoor season!!!!
  • Joined APO, and am pledge class president
  • Classics Colorguard got 1st in WGI prelims and 2nd in Finals! HUGE deal.
  • Maintained straight A’s
  • Maintained good mental health

It’s been a pretty eventful few weeks, but I’m yearning for spring break. I need a week of detox and relaxation. I also am in need of a drastic haircut! Everything that this blog consists of (makeup, books, fashion) just hasn’t been very prevalent in my life lately, but I want to change that. More blog activity is coming soon! No worries. 🙂

xoxo Gigi.

I Can’t (But I Can)

Writing this for one of my classes is what made me spiral further into my really depressive mood last Thursday. I really thought it was worse that it is. When I reread it to make any last adjustments before submitting it, I realized that it was actually pretty good, and I should have been more proud of it than I had initially felt. Anyway, I thought I would post it here so anyone can read it, despite what I might think of it. Not everyone does things perfectly on the first try or at all. This is my example of that.

Have any criticisms or pieces of advice? Leave ’em in the comments!

As I went to open this from our submission website I saw that my teacher made a comment saying that she wants me to work on this so it can get published in our literary magazine at my school. I can’t even believe this! It goes to show I guess…

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The shades are drawn tight and the shadows of the room are deeper than the bags that have developed under her eyes. The only light comes from the monitor in the corner across from the bed. The girl sits cross-legged on the wheeled chair, tapping her right fingernails on the cold wood next to her laptop. Why is this so hard,  she thinks to herself.  There’s a low rhythm of rain falling on her rooftop that almost falls in time with her fingers’ beat. The blinking cursor on the screen joins in, and soon there is a silent symphony so loud that it drowns out her heartbeat and she can no longer take it. She slams her laptop shut and stands up.

She can’t do it. There is so much she wants to write about; so much that she cares about, but she cannot get it down. What does this world want from her? She can sit on the internet for hours, constantly surrounded by political activists and strong opinions of people that are as young as she, but yet she feels like no one cares about her small words on her unpopular blog. The world is changing faster than she can write about it, but she doesn’t struggle to keep up; she struggles to start at all.

After pacing the room, rubbing her dry hands over her face, she finally sits back down in her desk chair. She stares at her laptop for a moment too long and then opens it for the second time that night. The words I can’t do it parade around in her head just loud enough to make bumps rise up on her arms and tears brim in her eyes. The harsh white of the blank screen in front of her illuminates the drop that falls from her right eye before she can wipe it away.

She just wants to be good at something for once. She wants to have confidence in something that she has created. She desires the satisfaction of not only pure creation but of pure inspiration that comes from documenting her life and the lives of others around her. She cares so much about everything, but at the same time doesn’t care nearly enough. She wants to live while telling others about it and watch others live while she scribbles away her thoughts. The pressure of society fuels her while simultaneously stifling her passion and replacing it with fear. The doubt is constantly pressing against her skin, fighting to tear her down at the structure.

She lifts her head and dries her cheeks with her sleeve. Her hands jerk unsteadily to the keyboard and hover for a second before finally settling on the keys. She writes for a short time and then stops. Disappointment creeps in before she can block it. She rereads what she just produced and decides it’s not good enough. Nothing she has done has ever been good enough. Why can’t I just do this?

She sits back and puffs her cheeks out with a loud sigh. I just want to write, why is it so hard? I like writing. I care about these things. This shouldn’t be so difficult.

She closes the window and opens her blog. She scrolls mindlessly, sometimes stopping to read a quick blurb about some television show she’s watched too much of. She opens her document again: nothing. She grabs a book she’s read too many times off of her shelf and reads a chapter. She opens her document again: nothing.

Her world is too big and her life is too long and her existence isn’t enough. She wants to spread the word and tell somebody something about anything but she can’t get the words out of her fingertips and just before she screams she shuts her laptop for the last time that night. There’s too much to say and no one to listen to her anyways so she decides for the night not to bother.

The room is now completely dark and there is no longer a soft patter of rain drops falling. This time the silence is quieter, but the girl sits there as if stunned by a loud sound. She didn’t do it. She couldn’t do it. Her thoughts were abundant but she could not sew them together no matter how hard she tried. She walked to her bed and curled up while slices of stories and silver linings floated around without a purpose in her mind. Her disappointment consumed her. Frustration embraced her.

She had nothing of which to call her own. She had nothing of which to be proud. No support, no confidence, nothing to cushion her failure. She sits alone in the dark room, eyeing the corner where her laptop sat. After staring for far too long with dry eyes she stands up and sits herself back down in front of the computer.

She had to have something to say and it was about time she said it. The world didn’t want to listen to a young girl who was obviously too oblivious and not educated enough but she decided this was finally it. Society might not care but she did, and no matter how raw and unfinished her work was, she was going to finish it. This was about her. This was about what she loved, not who loved her. Maybe no one else will read it. Maybe one day millions will. For now, though, the most important and influential person will: herself.

She opened the laptop once more and focused on the soft white page and slow blinking cursor. The small black strokes on the page were no less intimidating, and her thoughts were no less chaotic, but she took one last breath as she for once let the words come.

——–

So what’d ya think?

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Feeling Better (OOTD)

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It’s starting to get dark so early now! I guess I need to get my pictures done sooner in the day, haha.

The beginning of fall is starting to creep in, and with it is coming my better mood. I performed with the marching band and my colorguard this past weekend, and I’ve been riding a wave of good feelings since. I’m hoping the good mood sticks around just as long as the cooler weather.

I love fall SO much. It’s by far my absolute favorite season. I love the holidays, the fashion, the makeup, the crisp air, the changing leaves, the tv shows, the warm drinks, EVERYTHING. Today was finally cold enough for a more autumn-esque outfit with skinnies, a sweater, and a beanie. AND NOT TO MENTION MY NEW DARK LIPSTICK! (I may or may not be in love with dark lips).

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What I wore:

Sweater – Kmart
Beanie – 5 Below (I think?)
Shoes (Not Pictured) – Converse
Lipstick!!! – Rimmel Lasting Finish in 124 Bordeaux

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Anyway I’ve been having a few good days, and today I wanted to wear some bold lipstick and a hat so I did. And I felt pretty good. Also isn’t the lace on this sweater awesome?

Thursday was a very low point for me and since Friday I’ve been going nowhere but up. I hope this trend keeps going. Hope you guys have a good week as well!

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My Apologies.

I’m sorry for not having any posts this week. I’ve really have not been having the best week with both my physical and mental health. I have a pretty bad sinus infection and my stress levels have been through the roof. I’ve cried more this week than since I’ve been back at school.

I’ve been letting myself down and now I’ve let down this blog, the one thing I really wanted to succeed at. Right now I’m just trying to figure out what it is that I really want to do. So once again I apologize to those twenty some people who read this dinky blog.

I will try to return on Sunday.